Roger Roger

By A.J. RUSSO, Ph.D.
As published Nov. 21, 2007

Radio Shack has just announced that the company will sell a GPS unit specially designed for NFL players (especially receivers and quarterbacks), and coaches.

Here’s an advertisement:

Coming to the NFL, the Roger Roger (named after NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell), is a complete portable GPS stride navigation device with an incredible range of features. A sleek design (a thin plastic film which sticks to the inside of the helmet visor), comprehensive wireless capabilities, and a sharp display, combine to make the Roger Roger a vital companion on the football field.

Like other navigation systems, this GPS gives you coverage in all fifty States, and now, since the NFL will expand some games to locations across the Atlantic, most of Europe.

But it's not just the broad international coverage that makes the Roger Roger special. The user-friendly, in helmet design, also puts it a step above other navigation systems. The virtual, crystal-clear, multicolor display makes for exceptionally easy viewing of passing routes and on-field directions, as well as other important information, such as distance (measured in strides) to a first down.

And as an extra bonus feature, this GPS will even provide directions to training rooms at visiting stadiums.

Measuring 1 micrometer thick, the thin display offers high resolution and brilliant three-dimensional graphics. It also features lots of memory and a high speed CPU, making it responsive and zippy (important when having to respond to on coming quick, agile, big defensive backs).

Using the USB port and the provided cable, you can even use your PC to add your own special pass routes—or personal dance step choreographies for post touchdown celebrations.

Roger Roger provides clear and accurate turn-by-turn voice instructions, so that you don't have to take your eyes off the defensive back while you’re running your routes. Voice instructions are issued at a decibel-sensitive volume, so, as your coach’s voice, or the crowd noise, becomes louder or quieter, the volume adjusts accordingly, guaranteeing clear and easy listening. With the click of a button, you can even bleep out the cursing of high-spirited coaches.

With its blink-sensitive screen, this GPS puts programming and operation literally at your eyelids. The built-in database offers thousands of passing routes for use in almost any conceivable situation—third and long, third and short, second and long—against cover two, zones, you name it, there’s a pass route for you and your team.

Roger Roger will even provide moment-to-moment routes to help you avoid on coming abusive defensive backs, or aggressive linebackers, especially advantageous when it’s time to lay out your body on middle of the field crossing routes. This GPS will also choose the quickest and most effective route to help you get to a spot beyond the first down marker.

The Roger Roger database includes special “reactive features” which make adjustments and change your route when a defensive back is playing you soft or when there’s a blitz, when a back is playing you aggressively, or when your quarterback is scrambling.

After watching film of the first six games, the NFL has arranged with Radio Shack to offer Brian Billick and the Ravens a discount to purchase as many Roger Rogers they need. This is based on the exorbitant number of errant routes by Ravens’ receivers, high number of errant throws by Ravens’ quarterbacks, and Ravens receivers who don’t seem not to know where the first down markers are.

Let’s hope Coach Billick spends some money on this new piece of equipment.